Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
