I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
