whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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