My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
