I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
