things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
