im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
