fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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