She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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