2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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