My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
