those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
