He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
