I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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