Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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