Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
