I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
