I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
