so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
