k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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