It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
