Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
