i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
