I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
