I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
