hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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