Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Randomize
