I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
