People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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