Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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