woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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