I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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