matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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