this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
