I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
