The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
