I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
