btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
