im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
