Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
