Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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