I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
