You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I got inside last night via doggy door
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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