There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
