Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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