were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
