eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
