And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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