I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
