Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
