It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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