Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
