I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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